


Bless my darkness, bless my light

by Practicemakesperfect



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Car Accidents, Drama, Exes, Family Dynamics, M/M, Prostitution, mental disability
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:00:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23125156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Practicemakesperfect/pseuds/Practicemakesperfect
Summary: A year after the accident that tore his life apart, Baekhyun is living as a prostitute avoiding old faces that remind him of the past. But when he finally caves and attends a performance night at the cafe he used to frequent, Baekhyun finds himself stuck between the clutches of his memories and the new cafe employee who seems like he could somehow be the answer to everything Baekhyun needs.In the end, forgetting is easy. It’s remembering that’s hard.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Do Kyungsoo | D.O, Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Kim Jongdae | Chen/Kim Minseok | Xiumin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17





	Bless my darkness, bless my light

**Author's Note:**

> _I felt a break in a sacred place  
>  Where your hands don’t heal  
> These are the reasons you’re ruled  
> By the things you feel_

_I just feel... heavy.  
Heavy?  
Like there’s a weight in my stomach. Heavy. But it doesn’t last long.  
How long have you felt this way?  
Ever since...  
...   
Ever since what?  
What?  
You were saying something. You didn’t finish your sentence.  
I’m sorry, I—what were we talking about again?_

This is the ideal profession.

Baekhyun bites his lip in feigned arousal, lowering his gaze and letting the skin slip from his teeth. The man in front of him is disgusting. More than twice his age, hard already, itching to touch him. And Baekhyun plays the part of the willing receiver, acting all the way up until he’s on the bed. Then he turns his head and looks out at the crack between the curtains of the window, shutting down. This part doesn’t require reaction. This part is just about lying down and letting.

The man is saying things under his breath. How much of a slut he is, how desperate he must be for sex to have made a job of it. Baekhyun listens to these words without really hearing. On and off--this is the art of emotions, and Baekhyun is well versed.

Off. Baekhyun can feel the man touching his body, but he isn’t really there. His clothes are removed. And then the man is on top of him, and he thinks of other things, like what a shitty day tomorrow will probably be and how he really, really wishes he hadn’t promised Jongdae he’d go to performance night.

It’s at The Universe Cafe. He hasn’t been there for a while, much to Jongdae and Xiumin’s disappointment. Actually, if he really takes the time to think about it, there’s a lot he hasn’t been doing. Not that Jongdae and Xiumin know that; he doesn’t see them a lot, either.

Even before Baekhyun went off the grid, Xiumin always hosted stage performances in his cafe, for amateur artists to play. Baekhyun used to be one of those artists. Now…

_Well,_ Baekhyun thinks wryly. _Let’s be real here. This job pays way better than that one._

Speaking of, the job in question is, thankfully, almost done. Baekhyun returns his focus just in time to feel the heat of the man’s release on his thighs, and he allows the client a moment before he moves away and grabs a towel from the bedside table.

As if entranced, the man watches Baekhyun wipe himself off for an uncomfortable time before fumbling to get the cash. “Here’s what I owe you.” Baekhyun accepts the money without comment, finishing with the towel before dropping it on the bed. He moves to get up, pulls his jeans on, but the man stops him. “Why don’t you lie with me for a bit, baby?”

Don’t call me that, Baekhyun might have said, but this man could become a regular.

“No, thanks,” he answers instead. He pulls on a shirt and leaves.

—

“Baekhyun. Wake up.” Baekhyun snaps out of his trance, eyes taking a moment to focus on Jongdae’s face. “We haven’t seen each other in forever, and now that we’re finally hanging out you’re falling asleep on me.”

Baekhyun shrugs. “Why do you think I never go out with you? I don’t have the energy for it anymore.”

“Yeah, I can tell.” Jongdae hesitates. “You’re really…”

“What?”

“...nevermind.”

“Different? Yeah, I get that a lot.” Another reason why he doesn’t go out with old friends anymore. Baekhyun sighs and watches the trees move past the car window, breath fogging up the glass. “Be thankful I don’t have a phobia of cars. If I did, you wouldn’t’ve been able to drag me out here.”

“I know.” Jongdae pauses to park. “About that…”

“If you ask me how I’m doing, I'm going to kill you.”

“Oh come on, how long have we been friends?”

“So you weren’t going to ask?”

“I was.”

Baekhyun shoots him a look and rolls his eyes. “I’m fine. It’s been a year, basically. You and everyone else can stop asking me that now.”

“I don’t believe you, but alright. I’ll just pretend like I do.”

“Thanks.” Baekhyun makes himself relax, shooting Jongdae a grin. “So… how’s the Xiumin situation?”

“Take a wild guess.”

“You’re still shy and he’s still oblivious?”

Jongdae sighs. “I wish I could say you’re wrong.”

“Just ask him out already. He obviously thinks you’re cute.”

“Does he really?”

Baekhyun laughs. “You’re adorable.”

“Shut up.” Jongdae sticks out his tongue and opens his door. “Let’s go. They probably already started, and I’m singing tonight.”

The Cafe is a lot busier than Baekhyun had expected it to be. Baekhyun maneuvers his way around the filled tables to grab a seat at the bar, where Xiumin is leaning on the counter, watching the latest performance. When he sees Baekhyun and Jongdae, he brightens. “Dae! Baek, you made it.”

“Yeah.” Baekhyun smiles in spite of himself--as reluctant as he was to come, he can’t be angsty towards Xiumin; something about that guy just makes him feel guilty for being depressed. “I see you’ve gotten popular.”

For a moment, Xiumin looks confused. Then Baekhyun gestures to the people around them and he nods. “You left right as we were starting to get more customers. Where’ve you been, anyway?”

“Jongdae didn’t tell you?” Baekhyun raises an eyebrow. “I had to do physical therapy for a couple of months.”

“It’s been a year.”

“I’ve been busy.” Xiumin gives him a dubious look, but the next performer is going up, and he turns to Jongdae. “Dae, you’re up in a bit. Go find Chanyeol and get ready.”

Instantly, both Xiumin and Jongdae glance at Baekhyun. Just in time, too, to catch his expression just before he has a chance to turn it off. Fuck. “Good luck,” Baekhyun says, turning his lips up into a smile. “I’ll be watching.”

Jongdae relaxes a bit. “You’d better.”

And then it’s just Baekhyun and Xiumin, listening to the music at the counter. Baekhyun tries not to be jealous, watching the people perform, but it’s a nasty feeling he can’t avoid and can’t get rid of. Maybe he isn’t as good at managing emotions as he’d like to believe.

After a couple of performances pass, Xiumin excuses himself to find Jongdae (Baekhyun resists the urge to tease him) and Baekhyun finds himself alone. That is, until he feels a tap on his shoulder, jolting him out of a stupor he hadn’t even realized he’d been in.

“Sorry,” is the voice that accompanies the disturbance, and Baekhyun turns to meet the gaze of his new companion. “Can I sit here?”

“Oh, yeah. Sure.” Cute, is Baekhyun’s first intruding thought. The man beside him has a set of round glasses low on the bridge of his nose, glasses that he pushes up to reveal the biggest eyes Baekhyun has ever seen. And his lips are plush, turned upward in a shy smile that makes Baekhyun imagine leaning in and--God, he needs to work on his attention--what was he doing again? Baekhyun forces his gaze upwards, nodding politely before starting to turn back.

“Wait, um...” The man’s voice is so easy to listen to. Baekhyun feels almost disappointed that the music is so loud--he wishes he could hear him better. “What’s your name?”

“Baekhyun. And you?”

“My name is Kyungsoo.” The man answers slowly, carefully. Baekhyun can almost see the sentences forming in his head. “Jongdae told me to talk to you, since I thought you were attractive.”

Baekhyun smiles in spite of himself, charmed. “Really? Thanks, then. You know Jongdae?”

“I work here, and he’s a regular, so I see him a lot. Sorry if the compliment came out of the blue, by the way. I just felt the urge to tell you.”

“Nah, it was cute.” Baekhyun feels a warmth in his chest, then does a retake. He’s already feeling like this? God, he must be starved for flirting. Ironic, considering his profession. Then again, flirting isn’t really necessary when you’re paid for sex. Baekhyun realizes he’s going off on a tangent again and returns to the moment. “What’s your name again? As a disclaimer, I’m terrible with names, so if I ask you twenty times tonight and probably forever, please don’t take it personally.”

The man laughs; it’s a clear sound that makes Baekhyun aware of how the music has stopped. The next performance must be starting. “I’m Kyungsoo. And don’t worry. I don’t mind telling you again.” Suddenly, Kyungsoo perks up. “Look, it’s Jongdae.”

Baekhyun blinks and turns around. The moment he looks, he feels his mouth dry.

Jongdae goes to the mic and introduces himself and his accompanist. And then the lights dim, and he starts singing, and the piano starts playing, and Baekhyun can’t tear his eyes from the stage and Chanyeol. Chanyeol, and the piano. Baekhyun feels like throwing up.

“Where are you going?”

He’d thought he would be able to handle it. “Outside. I’m feeling a little nauseous.”

“Do you want me to come?”

Smile. Smile, God damn it, Baekhyun does but it feels more like a wince. Jongdae sounds as amazing as he remembers. Chanyeol… “I’ll be fine. Save my seat for me, please?”

And then he’s striding to the exit, stomach turning. The closer he gets the faster he walks, until he’s bursting through the doors into the cool night air.

Off. Baekhyun feels like he’s pressing a button, over and over again. Off, off, off. He walks out of view of the glass doors, paces for a bit before stopping abruptly to lean against the wall. Suddenly, he feels numb. Good.

Now, think of something else. This he does without much issue; maybe having short term memory loss can be a good thing. Baekhyun looks out at the street, empty save for the occasional passing car. He wants to sit in the center of the road. It’s an overwhelming feeling; maybe he’d do it but something is keeping him from moving. God, he’s cold. He should write down that new guy’s name… what was it? What did he look like?

Whatever. There’s no point in being stressed. He should have typed it in his phone but it slipped his mind. Why is he even outside? It’s cold. The road is empty.

“Baekhyun?” Baekhyun shivers. “Are you okay? It’s freezing outside. Um… Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun snaps out of his daze. A man stands beside him. He thinks he’s attractive, in a strangely cute kind of way. This man knows his name, which means they’ve met before. Damn. Baekhyun smiles, recognizes the sweater he’d bought years ago in the stranger’s arms. “Did you bring this for me? Thanks.”

The man looks at him. There’s something in his expression that makes Baekhyun pause. “We should go inside. It’s cold.” He hands Baekhyun his sweater.

“Okay,” Baekhyun says. “Um… sorry. What’s your name again? I have really bad memory, so I tend to forget names a lot.”

“It’s Kyungsoo.” Kyungsoo holds the door open. Baekhyun steps back inside. The lights are on; he notices the stage is empty, and people are beginning to clean up. “You missed Jongdae’s performance,” he says.

Right. Jongdae performs here a lot, mostly to impress Xiumin but also because it’s a place where he can share the music he writes. Baekhyun feels guilty, but he’s also glad he missed it. After all, Jongdae writes his music with Chanyeol. He was probably performing with him, too. Baekhyun feels like he’s dodged a bullet; he’s glad he didn’t see his ex.

“I should write your name down,” Baekhyun says. He pulls out his phone and laughs. “I have to do that or I’ll forget again.”

“That’s smart. I should start doing that, too.” Kyungsoo leads him to the counter, where Xiumin is with Jongdae.

“Baek, where the hell were you? Kyungsoo said you went outside.”

“You two know each other?” Baekhyun blinks, then types that detail down in his notes. _Kyungsoo. Met at The Universe Cafe. Knows Jongdae. Has big eyes and glasses and a heart-shaped smile. Also has a nice voice._

“I started working here a couple of weeks ago,” Kyungsoo explains. Baekhyun adds that to his description. “I’m the baker.”

“A new addition to the crew, huh? Nice to meet you.” Baekhyun pauses, remembering his phone before adding: “Again.”

**Author's Note:**

> It has been too long ;;
> 
> I wrote this before Jongdae’s engagement was announced (congrats Jongdae we love you) and now it feels strange to have Xiumin x Jongdae, but... anyway. If it bothers anyone a lot let me know I’ll figure something out.
> 
> I have no excuses BUT I’ll see you in the next update wherever that may be <3


End file.
